new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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