please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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