i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
