Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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