He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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