Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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