i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
