he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
