wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Even my vagina gasped.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
