Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
