I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
