So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
