I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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