i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
