There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
