I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
