4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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