yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
