I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
