Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
