I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
