Its about making memories worth repressing
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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