I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
