how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
