who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
