drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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