His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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