I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can't turn off my feet"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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