Im at strip club and am horny
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
