Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
this is an emotional support booty call
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
