yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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