its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
