If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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