how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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