i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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