kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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