Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
