My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
