Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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