I puked a lego.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
