omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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