New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
