There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
