I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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