Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
