dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
