Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
