Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
