Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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