The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
