please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
